Life. Happiness. Contentment. &all those other little details.

So, ever since i've started at ncu, it has been a struggle. From feeling judged, to not connecting, to not having my boyfriend or my best friends, to adjusting to classes... Its just been a roller coaster experience. Despite all that though, Its been a really good experience. I've learned so much about love, life, and God, its amazing. But I've been trying to figure this out... What am I doing here? I mean, I know this is where God has me for such a time as this... But what on earth am I gunna do here for 4 years?! I don't need my 4 year degree in communications. I don't plan on going into anything that seriously. I'm only going to college because thats where your "supposed to do" after high school. But why? Because the world says so? I wanna be happy because i'm content with myself, my decisions, and my life. But what is contentment now days? Are people discontent with their lives because other people say their not living them right? When you've had things pounded in your head long enough, you start just believing them without questioning them. My favorite word in the world, 'Why'. Its just a packed word. If you don't know why your saying something, and you can't back it up, why should I believe it? So i've begun to question things like life, happiness, contentment, and every other little detail that gives me the opportunity to. Try it sometime. The bible says that if you truly seek the truth, you'll find it. Ask why. Ponder the little things, as well as the big things about life, and figure out the truth behind things. The things you learn will blow your mind.

Release...

Every time I think i'm ready to let go of this bar, I release one hand... But get too afraid of the fall and just grip even tighter. So I hang there in absolute pain, debating letting go. Knowing that if I let go, my hands won't hurt so bad. The blisters may hurt for a few days... It may take me a little while and a little bit of help to get back u...